Sunday, 23 July 2017

being outed...

In a recent post here I discussed "coming out" about ones BDSM lifestyle. In the comments Dani said she had been "outed" by her X.

Being outed is a whole different ball game from deciding to come out oneself. As Lea commented coming out or being outed could have huge consequences for her.

Some time ago gay activists outed prominent people who were gay without their permission. Often this was to illuminate hypocrisy and to further their cause for equality and acceptance. This was widely criticised by many.

Given that the consequences of being outed as in a BDSM lifestyle can have such adverse consequences, can it ever be justified?

Have any readers had experience of this?

10 comments:

SugarSack said...



no, its NEVER okay

Pygar said...

Thank you SugarSack. I do rather agree with you. But for the sake of argument...

Imagine for instance a politician or media personality who campaigns strongly against kinky erotica. It is discovered that he regularly visits a dominatrix. Would it be acceptable to publish that information in the press as an example of his hypocrisy?

P xx

Jz said...

That's more a case of "The Stupid Shall Be Punished"...
;-D

No, you're right. There's always some degree of grey, isn't there?

Pygar said...

"There's always some degree of grey, isn't there?"

Yes Jz, fifty shades I understand...

;)

P xx

His slut said...

I think the justifiable line is ...

If you are in a position that your words and actions are to influence a group of people to receive your desired outcome, then you are subjecting yourself to the scrutiny that may occur to substantiate your integrity.

It would be no different if someone who is making money by selling a fitness program, swears his body is because of following said program, inspires and makes major cash from his brand (which is his body) to only discover someone found out he had weightloss surgery and liposuction first, and said person publishes this information. He sold his brand off of false pretense. A politician would be doing the same. People may be persuaded to vote him in office because of his brand, which includes erotica is wrong and should be banned.

Pygar said...

Thank you his slut. Are you a lawyer?

If I find myself in legal trouble I will come to you for advice. :) You certainly have a very clear and analytical mind. I think your main sentence sums up your argument very well, "If you are in a position that your words and actions are to influence a group of people to receive your desired outcome, then you are subjecting yourself to the scrutiny that may occur to substantiate your integrity." I find it very persuasive. Thou I suppose that too must have some limits in terms of level of scrutiny. Perhaps that scrutiny should only go as far as is necessary to illustrate the hypocrisy.

P xx

His slut said...

I am not a lawyer, although I wanted to be one when I was younger. I do have an analytical mind, which you can guess gets me into trouble with Him. :)

I believe you have answered your own thought based on my argument. If I'm in an influential position and do not say anything negative about erotica, kink or the lifestyle and someone "ousts" me, I feel the culprit crossed the line because the end result does not illustrate neither hypocrisy nor lack of integrity.

I think too many people cherry pick how to substantiate integrity. In the same breathe, many people generalize the act of integrity instead of understanding the criterias of integrity. In my line of work, it is well known that I stand for integrity. In other words, my integrity is that the information I provide to my client and the final end user was prepared and concluded under due diligence set forth by my industry. If you out me as being in the BDSM world to substantiate my career integrity, there is no substantiation; regardless if I like kink or not, it has no bearing on my pledged ethical oath to perform at the highest integrity level expected of me.

Pygar said...

Thank you His slut for taking the time to set your analytical mind to my questions.

I too have an analytical mind and it can get me into trouble sometimes too! Though I really think it shouldn't. I wish more people valued it and used it better in formulating their thoughts and opinions. That is not to say that more emotional responses are not often important. Our appropriate reactions to injustice and harm may be emotional but still appropriate. How one responds to such reactions can benefit from the analytical response however.

Oh, I'm going off on one now...

Thank you again - and for bringing the notion of 'integrity' into the discussion.

P xx

His slut said...

Pygar,

I enjoyed the discussion. Thank you.

xx

his slut

Pygar said...

:)

P xx