Friday, 23 June 2017

coming out

Are you out to friends and relatives about your BDSM relationship? Few are I think. Despite the new popularity of BDSM themed novels and films the BDSM scene is seen as rather strange and scary to many in society. Indeed many will find it distasteful and immoral. Issues of feminism, human rights and abuse can soon come to the fore.

So we tend to keep it quiet in the main other than with friends in the scene.

Lea wrote a little while ago on her blog about coming out to a friend who she thought would understand. Someone she hoped she could talk to freely and honestly about this important part of her life and relationship with the person she was closest to. Sadly that friend was unhappy about it. She saw it as something unhealthy, to be cured. You can read Lea's blog post here. One of her commenters had a similar experience which destroyed a friendship.

Inès and I once came out to a younger, broad minded friend. She too though could not understand it and misunderstood the nature of out activity even though she knew us well. Fortunately it has not affected our friendship.

I wonder if others have had similarly negative responses - or do you just keep it quiet just in case?


Saturday, 17 June 2017

nude

A comedy film came on TV last night just as I was going to bed. It was quite amusing and I found myself watching it all the way through. It was about three couple entering a competition for the most novel wedding. One couple wanted a naturist wedding and spent most of their time in the film completely and explicitly nude though there was no eroticism or sex in the film.

Afterwards I googled the film to find out some more about it and discovered the actors playing the naturist couple had been shocked at quite how explicit the nudity was when shown. They were unhappy about having shown their bodies so totally. Was this some kind of shame in their bodies? Lack of confidence? Or just that they felt they had been misled and exploited?

How do you feel about your body? Are you happy to display it naked? Do you even get off on it?

Inès delights in being nude in public. She does it as her job as an artist's life model. She enjoys exhibitionism. We had hoped to go to a recent event where all the men were in suits and all the women naked but were unable to attend. Though even at that I understand some women kept certain items of lingerie on. We plan to go to a local fetish event soon with Inès naked and me fully dressed.

I have worked with her once as a life model and there were artists there who I know. I felt completely at ease with it.

For some it is a delight rather than a fear. It can be completely asexual in certain circumstances but in others have a strong erotic charge.

Have you been naked in public? Did you get off on it? Would it be a challenge for you? Dare you... ?

Do tell...

Friday, 9 June 2017

"un art de vivre"?

I came across this comment on Twitter today,

"BDSM… Un art de vivre, pas un hobby."

Roughly translated - "BDSM... A lifestyle not a hobby."

Is MonsieurF right? Must BDSM be a lifestyle rather than a hobby or can it be either or even something in-between?


Thursday, 25 May 2017

severe spankings and beatings

How severe a spanking or beating can you take if you are a sub?

It will depend of course on the type of spanking being administered. An erotic spanking may not work if it is too hard, a maintenance spanking may be harder and a punishment spanking harder still. There may be lots of other factors that come into play. For instance the time of day, the time of the month, attitude, build up, environment, trust in or love for the spanker.

There are some who find that from regular beatings their bottom no longer marks as easily. They may crave being marked and desire ever harder beatings to create those marks. Though I have another friend who used to love a severe spanking. However since a change in relationship she has not been spanked as often and finds that her pain threshold has reduced.

There is a very interesting long post about spanking and pain tolerance by Ros here that readers may be interested in.

What is the hardest beating you have received? Would you like to repeat it? Do you gain satisfaction in pushing yourself further in receiving harder spankings?


Friday, 19 May 2017

sub drop and dom drop

It was nearly seven years ago that I discussed sub drop on the blog. You can read the post and comments here. I looked back at it recently as I found myself in discussion with someone about it.

She felt it might be stronger from a sub and Dom perspective after sensual play rather than just from physical or impact play. She also found it could come upon her a couple of days after the session.

It reminded me of the responsibilities we each hold for one another in caring and supporting each other on an ongoing basis and the need to look out for later reactions.

It also reminded me of examples of dom drop that I have read about. My own experience of that is fairly minimal - what one would expect in reaction to any intense experience. Though I know there are some Doms who have become fearful of what they have discovered in themselves after extreme play.


Monday, 8 May 2017

you deserve...

By chance I came across this yesterday and thought I would share it with you...

"You deserve a lover who wants you disheveled, with everything and all the reasons that wake you up in a haste and the demons that won’t let you sleep.

You deserve a lover who makes you feel safe, who can consume this world whole if he walks hand in hand with you; someone who believes that his embraces are a perfect match with your skin.

You deserve a lover who wants to dance with you, who goes to paradise every time he looks into your eyes and never gets tired of studying your expressions.

You deserve a lover who listens when you sing, who supports you when you feel shame and respects your freedom; who flies with you and isn’t afraid to fall.

You deserve a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry."

Frida Kahlo

What do you deserve?

(...apart from a good spanking of course!)

Thursday, 20 April 2017

oral and BDSM

In a couple of posts recently on A Kind Dom here and on Uncle Agony here we have been discussing oral sex, whether subs enjoy it or not and how to get over distaste for the activity.

Dani loves it (do read her take on it here!) Abby likes it when she is given permission! Lea and SugarSack don't like it but are trying for their Doms. Mary finds it revolting and is looking for advice on how to cope. And this is within a typical vanilla experience of oral sex.

However, much porn now shows women being forced and choked in oral sex scenes. They are perhaps the most D/s and BDSM oriented scenes in vanilla porn. I wonder if many Doms like to control and perhaps humiliate their subs in this way? Also are there any subs who get off on this kind of activity? Does it give you pride to be able to take it deeply or a strong feeling of submission to be forced in such scenarios?


Wednesday, 12 April 2017

If a sub really cannot accept coming in her mouth...

Mary has written to Uncle Agony about this here.

She really cannot cope with her Master coming in her mouth and this is beginning to cause serious problems.

Is there a solution?

I know Mary is eager to hear suggestions from readers so please do comment on Uncle Agony.

Friday, 7 April 2017

swallowing...

Do you swallow?

- semen that is. I had an email this week for Uncle Agony about it. I'll post it next week.

Meantime I'm still in the throws of moving house and recovering from illness. Nothing major.

More soon...

Thursday, 30 March 2017

revisiting "Primal"

While I am busy I thought you might like some reading. Earlier this year I wrote a post on primal play. It attracted some interesting comments and discussion. I was surprised to note that it became just about the most read of recent posts. So perhaps you may be interested in reading a blog post I came across recently. You can find it here. It perhaps extends the notion of primal play into the broader realm of sexual activity.

It would be great to hear what some of you think of the post.

Friday, 24 March 2017

sorry...

... that I've not been around much.

Moving house next week - amongst all the other chaos.

More soon...

Promise!

P xxxx

Friday, 3 March 2017

energy and motivation

I usually try to post on a Thursday. No reason for that I suppose other than to give some order and expectation to my posting and a routine perhaps helps me in some tasks. Though I hate being disciplined by routine - or anything!

I didn't get round to posting yesterday. I was busy - but I am often busy and make time to post on this blog as a priority. This week I didn't - or not in time for my self-imposed deadline. It doesn't matter, the world won't come to an end. But...

Well, could it be an indication of not coping, or lethargy or something more? It got me thinking about larger things. I'm often under stress in my personal life from a variety of causes and now is no exception. There have been times in the past when I haven't coped and that has had some serious consequences.

We all go through bouts of feeling down or even serious depression and/or anxiety. For some submissives BDSM can help them through such periods. It can keep them on track, maintain their focus and become a solid point for an anchor. I wonder though if for some it becomes difficult to maintain their submissive role. It is hard work. it requires strength to be a good submissive. So what when the submissive no longer feels strong and lacks the energy to submit with the alacrity she used to? And for the Dom too - how does he maintain that dominance when he is feeling tired and drained? I wonder then what the effect is on their submissive when they appear less dominant, take less charge, make fewer demands.

Have you been there in any of those situations? How did you cope? Did it affect your relationship? How did you help each other get out of it? Was BDSM a support and help - or something that got in the way of solving the underlying problems?

Thursday, 23 February 2017

is BDSM erotic?

I find it so.

I get turned on by power and control in a sensual  or sexual setting. For instance in my last post about orgasms I find controlling a sub's orgasms erotic in itself. The same with other aspects of BDSM such as bondage, spanking, etc. - especially when combined within such settings.

I wonder though if others find this almost frivolous. For them D/s may be a lifestyle choice. They get satisfaction and fulfillment from it without the need for a sexual thrill.

I am not trying to say that for me BDSM is exclusively a sexual activity. However it certainly adds to my sexual pleasure.

I do know that many submissives are also turned on through being controlled, from being in the power of another, by being spanked or held in bondage.

I wonder about my readers...

Does BDSM turn you on?

...or is it more serious than that?


Thursday, 16 February 2017

controlling orgasm

It can be fun to control orgasm. The Dom of course gets fun from exercising control in a very intimate setting. There can be pleasure for the sub too. Insisting on a sub asking permission before coming can keep the sub at that level of being on the edge of orgasm for some time. That can be a very pleasurable place to be - as well as frustrating for some. When given permission to come after this period of delay can result in an even more intense orgasm. Training a sub to come on demand can I am sure be great fun also. I have heard from those who say they can come on the command of a particular word - or through counting down. That could be very interesting in a crowded restaurant! I will often command Inès to come as she is approaching orgasm which gets her to associate my command with her orgasm. She now says she gets pleasure from the command and it can assist her in achieving orgasms on occasions where she is tired and didn't think she could come again. Though we are certainly nowhere near the stage of coming to orgasm just from the command.

I am not sure of the pleasure involved in long term orgasm control such as the wearing of chastity devices for extended periods but there are those who gain pleasure from this as Doms and subs.

I have been reminded recently though in correspondence with a friend that there can be dangers where this is taken too far and goes beyond the sphere of pleasure and the control becomes conditioning that can have long term negative consequences for the submissive. My friend has left her husband and Dom after many years of what she now recognises as abuse. She now has some serious sexual problems because of the long term effects of orgasm control. Another correspondent had a very similar experience and wrote about it in some detail to Uncle Agony some time ago. You can read her story here. (There is more discussion of the issue on this blog here and here.)

Do you enjoy controlling the orgasms of another or having your orgasms controlled? Is there any danger in this? Can it have unforeseen consequences? Are there other aspects of conditioning inherent in BDSM activity that can also be potentially psychologically harmful?

Thursday, 9 February 2017

rope

I like rope.

Well - in a certain context!

I like using it on my woman, to wrap her, restrain her, bind her, stretch her, open her.

I like making patterns with rope on her body.

I like the feel of natural hemp rope that I have prepared myself as I run it through my hands before tying her tightly so she too can feel the sensuousness of the rope as it moves across her body before digging into her and enclosing her.

I like the marks it leaves on her body.

I like the way it controls her.

I like her response as her body and mind sink into the sensuality of the experience.

I like photographs and videos where rope has been used in this way as an art form; the beauty of some shibari or kinbaku; the eroticism of performance and the response of the model.

I like taking my own photographs of rope used in this way. There are a few on my Fetlife profile.

Do you like rope? Do you like using it or it being used on you? What do you enjoy about it? Is it the powerlessness if you are tied or the power if you are tying? Do you enjoy the sensuality of it? Is it the physical experience or the mental one that is stronger - or is it a combination of both?

If you have any memorable experiences with rope do feel free to share them with us here...